The Church Parking Lot: She had made it all the way there.
Why, Hello Gorgeous! She made it all the way to church. She just couldn't make herself get out of the car. She had been sitting there long enough for the windows to start fogging up.
Car running. Air conditioning on. Bible sitting on the passenger seat. Purse in the floor.
Phone face down in the cupholder. And both hands gripping the steering wheel like she was trying to hold herself together with it.
People kept pulling into the parking lot around her. Car doors slammed. Heels clicked across the pavement. Kids were being rushed inside. "Come on, we're already late!"
Everybody was headed into church. Except her.
She had made it all the way there.
Got dressed.
Did her hair.
Grabbed her Bible.
Drove across town.
Pulled into the parking lot.
Found a parking space.
Turned the car off...
Then turned it right back on.
Because suddenly...she couldn't move.
"Girl, Get Yourself Together"
She looked at herself in the rearview mirror.
"Come on." Deep breath. "Get yourself together." Another deep breath.
She reached for the door handle.
Stopped.
Checked the time.
Service was starting in seven minutes.
She could still make it.
She'd walk in.
Smile.
Hug everybody.
Say: "Good morning!"
Somebody would ask:
"How you doing?"
And without even thinking about it, she'd say:
"I'm good!"
Because isn't that what we say? 😂
Sometimes "I'm good" doesn't mean I'm good.
Sometimes it means:
I don't have the energy to explain it.
Sometimes it means:
If I tell you what's really going on, we're both going to be standing here crying.
And sometimes...
it simply means:
I don't even know what's wrong myself.
She looked toward the church doors.
Then back down at her hands.
And whispered:
"Lord...I'm tired."
Not Sleepy.
There's a difference.
She wasn't talking about the kind of tired a good eight hours could fix.
This was deeper.
Tired of thinking.
Tired of making decisions.
Tired of everybody needing something.
Tired of worrying.
Tired of being responsible.
Tired of pretending certain things didn't bother her.
Tired of being the bigger person.
Tired of holding her tongue.
Tired of trying to figure out what God was doing.
Tired of saying:
"It's going to work out."
...when some days she wasn't even sure she believed herself.
And maybe the hardest part?
Nobody would've guessed it.
Because she looked fine.
Actually...she looked good.
And baby, isn't that something we know how to do? 😂
Life can be LIFE-ING...
but we'll put on some earrings, fix these edges, throw on a cute outfit and walk out that door like everything is under control.
Meanwhile...
everything is NOT under control.
She Was the One Everybody Called
You know her.
Maybe you are her.
She's the dependable one.
Need somebody to pray?
Call her.
Need advice?
Call her.
Need somebody to pick something up?
Call her.
Need somebody to listen while you talk about the same man you've been talking about for six months?
Call her. 😂
Need money until Friday?
Need somebody to watch the kids?
Need somebody to handle something at work?
Need somebody to organize the family event nobody else wanted to organize?
She'll figure it out.
She's strong.
She's responsible.
She's dependable.
And after enough years of everybody telling you how strong you are...
you start believing strength means you don't get to fall apart.
So you don't.
At least not where anybody can see you.
The Parking Lot Became Her Safe Place
Maybe that's why she hadn't gotten out.
Inside those four doors...
nobody needed anything yet.
Nobody was asking a question.
Nobody was calling her name.
Nobody was waiting for an answer.
Nobody needed her to be strong.
For just a few minutes...
she could sit.
And breathe.
Have you ever done that?
Pulled into your driveway and stayed in the car?
Sat in the grocery store parking lot after shopping?
Stayed in your car after work before walking into the house?
Not because you didn't love the people waiting for you.
You just needed five minutes where nobody was touching your energy.
Listen...
sometimes that driver's seat becomes a whole sanctuary. 😂
No choir.
No preacher.
No praise team.
Just you, your thoughts and God.
Then Came the Knock
She jumped.
Somebody was standing beside her window. An older woman from the church.
The kind of woman who always had peppermints somewhere in her purse.
You know exactly who I'm talking about. 😂
She rolled the window down halfway.
"Baby, you coming in?"
There it was.
The question.
She could've said yes.
She could've smiled.
She could've grabbed her Bible and followed her inside.
Instead...
something unexpected came out.
"I don't know."
The woman didn't look shocked.
Didn't start quoting scripture.
Didn't say:
"You know the devil doesn't want you in church."
Didn't tell her to pray harder.
Didn't ask twenty questions.
She simply said:
"Okay."
Then she stood there.
Sometimes "Okay" Is Ministry
That part stayed with me.
Because we're so quick to fix people.
Especially people we love.
Somebody says they're struggling and immediately we're searching for something inspirational to say.
A scripture.
Advice.
A solution.
A testimony.
Something.
But sometimes...
people don't need to be fixed.
The woman leaned against the car and asked:
"Want me to sit with you?"
And that's when the tears came.
Not the cute kind either.
I'm talking about the kind where you're mad because now your makeup is involved. 😂
She laughed while wiping her face.
"Look at me. I'm sitting outside the church crying and can't even make myself go inside."
The older woman looked at her.
Then said:
"Baby, who told you God was only inside?"
Whew.
Who Told You God Was Only Inside?
Sit with that for a minute.
Because sometimes we attach God to places.
Church.
Prayer closet.
Bible study.
Sunday morning.
And yes, those spaces matter.
But what about the parking lot?
What about your bedroom floor?
What about driving down Highway 1 crying so hard you have to turn the music off?
What about the bathroom at work?
What about standing over the kitchen sink?
What about Walmart?
What about the moment when you don't have a beautiful prayer...
and all you have is:
"God, I'm tired."
Psalm 34:18 says:
"The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart..."
It doesn't say you have to get yourself together first.
It doesn't say wipe your face.
Fix your attitude.
Stop crying.
Walk through the church doors.
Then He'll come close.
Sometimes we spend so much time trying to get to God...
we forget He's already there.
Maybe You're Not Falling Apart
Maybe you're finally feeling what you've been avoiding.
There's a difference.
That's something I've had to learn about intentional living.
We talk a lot about moving forward.
Growth.
Purpose.
Healing.
Alignment.
But sometimes intentional living looks like sitting still long enough to admit:
"This is too much for me right now."
That's not weakness.
That's information.
Your body gives you information.
Your emotions give you information.
Your exhaustion gives you information.
And if you keep overriding every signal because somebody needs you...
eventually your body will make the decision for you.
Sometimes the most intentional thing you can do is stop pretending you're okay.
"But Everybody Is Counting on Me"
I know.
That's the part that makes it hard.
You've built a life where people depend on you.
And being dependable isn't bad.
Being loving isn't bad.
Serving people isn't bad.
Showing up isn't bad.
But there's a difference between being available and being depleted.
Some of us don't have boundaries.
We have breaking points.
We say yes...
yes...
yes...
yes...
YES...
until one tiny thing happens and suddenly we're ready to move to a cabin in the mountains where nobody knows our name. 😂
And everybody around us is confused.
"What's wrong with her?"
Everything.
And nothing.
It wasn't that one thing.
It was the hundred things before it.
She Never Made It Inside
Service started.
Cars stopped pulling into the parking lot.
Music could faintly be heard from inside.
And those two women?
They stayed outside.
Talking.
Laughing a little.
Crying a little.
Sitting quietly sometimes.
Eventually the older woman prayed.
Nothing long.
Nothing fancy.
Just:
"Lord, give her what she needs for today."
For today.
Not the whole month.
Not the whole year.
Not the entire plan.
Today.
And maybe that's where some of us get overwhelmed.
We're trying to carry Tuesday...
Wednesday...
Thursday...
next month...
Christmas...
retirement...
the kids' future...
our business...
our marriage...
our parents...
and something that hasn't even happened yet...
all on a Saturday afternoon.
No wonder we're tired.
What If You Only Carried Today?
Jesus said in Matthew 6:34:
"Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself."
In other words... tomorrow already has enough going on. 😂
You don't have to drag it into today.
That's not saying don't plan.
Intentional women plan.
But planning and worrying aren't the same thing.
Planning asks:
"What can I do?"
Worry asks:
"What if everything goes wrong?"
One prepares you.
The other drains you.
Before You Tell Everybody Else You're Good...
Ask yourself first.
Am I really?
Not:
"Can I keep going?"
Because you probably can.
You've proven that.
The better question is:
Should I keep going like this?
That's different.
Maybe you don't need to quit your job.
Leave your relationship.
Cancel everything.
Move across the country.
Or completely reinvent your life.
Maybe you just need room.
Room to breathe.
Room to say no.
Room to change your mind.
Room to rest without explaining why you're tired.
Room to enjoy something without turning it into a side hustle.
Room to be a person...
not everybody's emergency contact.
Your Intentional Reset This Week
I don't want to give you ten steps.
Just try this.
Find ten minutes this week where nobody gets access to you.
Sit in your car.
Walk outside.
Close your bedroom door.
Sit on the porch.
Turn your phone over.
And ask yourself:
"What am I carrying right now that is making me tired?"
Then don't judge the answer.
Don't immediately try to fix it.
Just acknowledge it.
And if you pray, maybe your prayer doesn't need to be complicated either.
Maybe it's simply:
"God, show me what is mine to carry...and what I need to put down."
She Finally Started the Car
The church doors opened.
Service was ending.
People started walking back into the parking lot.
She wiped her face.
Looked at the older woman and laughed.
"Well...I came all the way to church and never went to church."
The woman smiled.
"Looks like church came to you."
And there it was.
Sometimes the thing you think went wrong...
was exactly what you needed.
She drove away without every problem solved.
Nothing about her circumstances had magically changed.
People would still need her.
Monday was still coming.
The bills weren't going to pay themselves.
The responsibilities were still waiting.
But something had changed.
She had finally said out loud what she'd been carrying silently:
"I'm tired."
And somebody heard her.
More importantly...
God did too.
Maybe This Is Your Parking Lot
Maybe you're reading this while holding it together.
Maybe nobody knows you're tired because you've gotten really good at being okay.
Maybe you've been waiting until everything settles down before you give yourself permission to breathe.
Baby...
what if it doesn't settle down?
What if peace isn't something waiting for you after life gets easier?
What if peace is something you have to intentionally choose while life is still life-ing?
You don't have to earn rest.
You don't have to have a breakdown before you set a boundary.
And you don't have to explain every season where you need to pull back and hear yourself think.
Strong women get tired too.
Sometimes we just need somewhere safe enough to admit it.
Even if that somewhere...
is the church parking lot.
Let's Talk
I want you to answer this one honestly:
Where is your "parking lot"—that place you go when you need a few minutes before facing everybody again?
Your car?
The shower?
Your bedroom?
A long drive?
The bathroom at work? 😂
Tell me in the comments.
Because somebody reading your answer might realize:
"Wait...I'm not the only one who does that."
And if you're a woman who's tired of living on autopilot and ready to choose peace, purpose and yourself with more intention, subscribe and meet me back here next week.
Because next week's story?
Four women walked into a hair salon for completely different reasons.
One needed her roots touched up.
One had just left her husband.
One hadn't told anybody she'd lost her job.
And one woman...
had scissors in her hand and said:
"Baby, sometimes you've got to cut more than your hair."
Whew.
Next week: The Hair Appointment.
Until then...
Stand in alignment. Walk in peace. ✌🏽
As always, I'm eager to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments. Let's continue celebrating this beautiful creation of life's masterpiece together.
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